although i don't typically celebrate thanksgiving unless i'm stateside and someone's handed over an invite, i've been reflecting on all that i'm thankful for. over the past eight years, i find myself being thankful for more than i was over the years passed. in 2010, i was grateful for xfactor, thankful that i was given such an incredible chance to live this life that i do. 2011 i was thankful for the groups of girls who really started to spread the word, 2012 madison square garden, 2013 traveling the world, 2014 stadiums, 2015 some time off. 2016 i was thankful to finally not live on a schedule, 2017 i was thankful for people still turning up and giving me their attention and paying their hard earned money to come and see me..

2018.. twenty eighteen. it's coming to an end and all that i'm thankful for is so difficult to put into words because there are not enough words in the dictionary to describe all of the incredible things about my life and do it justice. apart from my career, i've finally found my personal purpose in life. i'm not big on prayer and i think it's truly cheesy to say, but i've prayed for you.. maybe it was more that i thought you up in my head for a long, long time, and finally i get to have you.

in march, i could only hope that you'd someday see me the way that i saw you. we had that unspoken bond, from the first time we spoke, i knew i had to have you and that losing you wasn't an option. i will never forget the weekend you were supposed to come and be with me, i'll never forget how bad it felt when you were told you weren't allowed to come but we still got to spend time together from afar. we both felt it, how bad it was to be kept apart and once we were finally able to be together? holding back was only a minor concern, it was so hard to fight.

in may, you made me the happiest man alive that beautiful day in ireland. we both had our nerves, but my god you looked so handsome standing there in that suit. every day we built our relationship, every day we talked about more of the things we hoped and dreamed to have together. every day, i became more and more thankful for you.

i am thankful for someone who not only likes me, even at my worst, but someone who is madly in love with me. i'm thankful to have such an amazing husband who doesn't try and make me hold back on my quirks and weirdness, a husband who lets me feed him like a baby bird and lick into his mouth in public or hold his willy and aim for him when he's gone for a wee. i am thankful to have somebody who loves me without limits, unconditionally for the rest of my life. i am thankful to have a partner in life, a team mate who will always help me pick up my slack on days when i just can't seem to get it together. i'm thankful for a husband who loves to make sweet love to me or tear me apart. a husband who wanted to make a daughter with me and do it the way any two biological parents could only dream to, by making love with me and having the most incredible creation come from it.

i'm thankful for our little girl and our three little boys, i'm thankful for all of the places we have gotten to love one another. i'm thankful for all seventy weddings we've had this year, from our bed to vegas and everywhere in between. amsterdam and australia. i'm thankful for the nights you tucked me in unknowingly to the nights you tucked me in and tickled my back til i'd fall asleep. i'm thankful for all of the tears shed, the sweet looks from across the room, the way you flirt with me and all of the times you've been shy to the times you've been incredibly ballsy (literally) to get my attention. i'm thankful for the words spoken and the words written, the comfortable silence and the sweet kisses. i'm thankful for the success we've both had, i'm thankful to be by your side as it all unfolds for you. i'm thankful for everything that you are, for everything that you do, for your love and for your heart. i'm thankful for you, antoni horan-porowski.

happy 7 months and happy thanksgiving, my sweet boy.

xx, your husband